Sedih

tetiap orang ada cara nak sooth kan perasaan lepas end a relationship.
as for me, aku rasa aku lagi selesa untuk salahkan diri aku sendiri. i know that hurts so much. tapi for me, put all the blame on the other party adalah lagi painful. painful dengan air mata.

Bila blame diri sendiri, aku memang akan rasa sedih. Sedih sebab aku yang salah. And to know that i could've done better, it breaks my heart even more..
Tapi bila blame the other party, i tend to hold grudge against him.. I may hate him. I may hurt myself even more by questioning myself.. "kenapa la sampai hati buat aku cenggini bla bla bla". That sadden me more.

Not that i'm saying that blaming myself would hurt less. No. Not at all. In fact, it could've hurt more. But to make sure i'd have no regrets upon holding grudge towards him and wondering why this that so so, i choose to hurt myself. Just myself.

How hard can this be to only explain. If u're going through it, or have been through it, only then u'd understand.

Sebenarnya sebalik semua ni ada benda aku nak cite. But since mood tetibe went down, save it je lah. Aku pun rasanya better tdo awal sebelum aku cengeng lagi. Kahkahkah.

Aku yang sedih.