Istiqamah yang susah

I screwed up all my diets. 2 hari lepas aku makan nasi. 2 kali pulak tu. Lepastu sila la padan muka aku sebab menggelupur sakit dari malam sampai esoknya (semalam).

Now kena start all over again. Last makan nasi sabtu haritu. Now belum sebiji pun telan. Aku tukar ke pasta. Spaghetti/macaroni. Aku ni tekak melayu so nasib lah. Aku campak campakkan dalam kuali, pastu jadi lah beliau masakan yang boleh aku telan.

Susah sungguh nak istiqamah bila bab kena jaga makan ni.

posted from Bloggeroid

#survive day 4

Ni yang semalam punya. Rabu. Tak makan nasi langsung. Pagi breakfast tu makan telur sebiji, kuih lapis sepotong kecik gila. Tengahari lunch dengan lauk je. Ikan termenung sekor, lepastu buah betik baaaanyak gila.

Tapi malam nya, macam nak mati lapar hoih. Sakit kepala. Maka marilah cheat. Aku kirim kat students, belikan kfc dan mc chicken. Tp makannya ayam seketul, whipped potato kecik tu satu, and roti nya separuh. Air mangga. Lepastu dah kenyang.

Mcchicken tu memang nak makan harini tengahari sikit. Ayam pun ada lagi. Breakfast pagi ni, day #5, makan pau je sebijik and air.

Aku tak paham la diri aku ni. Kata nak kurangkan carbs intake tapi yang aku reduce cuma lah nasi dan roti. Lain aku bantai. Dasar sangat pompuan ni.

And tangan kiri aku dah makin sakit. Setiap sendi dari bahu ke setiap jari dah mula rasa sakit. Malam ni nak try cara traditional. Ada kawan aku call semalam, dia ajak ikhtiarkan jugak cara traditional. Nanti malam pergi. Rasa macam dah boleh agak je apa yang beliau nak cakap.

Tunggu je la nanti apa perawat tu cakap nanti. Kalau betul macam apa yang aku predict, aku boleh buat bisnes fortune telling pulak.

posted from Bloggeroid

#survive day 3

Hari ketiga. Terrrrrmakan nasi setengah senduk, potato, kaki ayam dan tembikai. Lapaaar gila tapi amik sket sudehhhh buat rasa. Lapar je tadi p togok air milo. Pastu makan biskut chipsmore.

Now dah sampai perlis. Baruuuu je. Esok 6.30pagi gerak ke Penang untuk second trip pulak. Gagah perkasa kan diriku.

Tapi takpe je. Sebab memang dah loading keje gitu. Moh ler cukupkan loading pastu bersenang lenang. Ketua Pengarah Program (KPP) Marine Tech ni pun super sporting. Dia risau je kot aku tak boleh handle. Tapi aku kan gagah perkasa. Haruslahhhh bolehh. Hehe.

Lepastu diam kat celah celah dinding sebab sakit. Mbahahahha.

posted from Bloggeroid

#survive day 2

It's my second day. Breakfast makan kueteow beberapa suap. Lapar sangat dah. Tapi ada sos tiram, end up coughing and throwing up. Maka kosong balik perut.

Lunch minum air milo kotak dan honeydew dan air. Makan jugak honeystar sikit. Lapar. Harini lunch facilitator provided nasi ayam.. terliur jugak tapi gigih tahan nafsu makan.

Tadi dinner dah tak menahan, lapar yang amat. Makan nasi tapi tak habis pun. Dinner beli kat luar.

Esok dah tak boleh makan nasi. Lusa la pulak kalo nak makan. Oh ye, now aku kat Penang, bawak students untuk amali subject Food Processing, 3d 2n. Ahad-selasa. Esok petang gerak balik Perlis. Then the next day datang Penang untuk second group pulak. Kental sungguh diriku.

Aku semalam pakai yang arm sling tu, untuk restrict movement tangan aku. Tapi malam sakit jugak. So tadi aku tak pakai arm sling, aku pegi sibuk buat keje sama sama dengan students. Tapi tengahari mula lah dah rasa sakit. Aiyookkk. Bertabahlah.

Esok macam kena ber arm sling lagu ni.

posted from Bloggeroid

#survive day 1

Aku tengah dalam process nak mengurangkan carbohydrates intake dan memperbanyakkan makan buah yang ada banyak vitamin untuk fight ketumbuhan.

Aku ada breast lump. Benign tumor je. Tapi sakit. Bengkak. Dan ketumbuhan tu dah menekan saraf tangan kiri aku. Kata Doc, sepatutnya tak menyakitkan dan tak perlu operate. But now dah menyakitkan, press saraf dan considering family history yang ada cancer, memang kena operate.

Now kena kurangkan carbs intake sebab nanti energy/fat dari carbs akan worsen condition breast lump.

So lets slowly start changing my diet. Hari hari makan buah, dan makan nasi sedikit sekali sehari.

Now day 1, makan ikan je seekor, and buah 5 6 potong.

Terliur tengok nasi.

posted from Bloggeroid

That woman.

There was a woman, who had a friend. Kind of good, in her circle's friend.
The friendship remained till there was a huge fight, misunderstanding.

That woman, at her end of the frenship, cried out way too much.. at her deepest deep, lowest low. The friend said it was the woman's fault. And the woman didn't even remember the day that happened.. what the woman felt was emptiness, frustration of the way the friend treated her.

She cried, she really did. Badly.
She was hurt, she really was. Badly.

The pain she felt was so intense, that when she saw the friend, she could even pretend that the person she saw was just a complete stranger.

It went just like that, for months.
Then there was a day, they were in a same session for a presentation. The woman, as usual, pretended she didn't see him. Or maybe worst. She didnt even smile at the friend. She didn't even look at the friend. After the session, that friend texted her.. saying how he wanted to be friend again, to be just as they were before.

How hard more could that be for the woman? She's been trying hard to act normal, to forget that she once knew that friend.. but deep there, she knew she wanted to be friend again, but she couldn't bear the risk of another pain the friend would leave. She was wondering, whether or not she could accept the friendship, again. Through all the texts, they were better than a stranger, they texted, but never speaks in person. How would she have that courage?

They texted, but the woman was never in any intention of speaking to the friend, or smiling, or caring. Everytime she saw the friend, the only feeling she could felt was hatred. The most evil hatred. She forgave the friend, but not even once did she tolerate of forgetting what had happened.

Yeah. She was holding grudge. And she still is. She found joy in hurting the friend. She didn't even care anymore. To her, he was just an imaginary friend. That could never harm her. That would never hurt her.

She didn't even want to care.
That friend wanted to cheat? Carry on. She didn't mind at all. Why would she? Not that the friend was in her circle, not that the friend was her friend.

All she saw in the friend was somebody who made her cried, and there is possibility that it would again happen.

And today, the woman realise.. why did she accept the friend's friendship.. being able to have an imaginary friend was one thing.. but there was another reason.

Yes. The hatred. The grudge.
And now she understands more.
More about herself.
More about not caring about others.

And I understand her.
She is that kind of woman.

That woman is me.

posted from Bloggeroid

Tolong

Apsal la susah sangat nak lawan rasa malas ni. Pastu mental sorang sorang sebab diri sendiri malas.

Tadi aku scroll newsfeed kat fb, nampak status kawan aku pasal kerja diorang, lepastu aku rasa stress. Sebab aku kan belum keje lagi.

Tolong lah berubah wei. Tolong lah rajin.
Ni nak buka buku dah la liat, dah buka buku mula mengantuk la apa la. Tolong lah somebody tampar muka aku, hentak kepala aku kat meja study so aku sedar diri sikit.

posted from Bloggeroid